As the storm quickly draws near to Texas and Steve in Houston, I just find it harder and harder to be patient. Is it because he's been gone so long? Probably. Is it because I'm concerned for his safety? Probably. Is it because I feel the strain of trying to keep things normal for my children at home? Surely.
And I've had wonderful support from my family and friends! As a matter of fact, I'm majorly indebted to many of you for being so supportive. Especially my mom and dad, Melissa, Shelley, and Sarah Gayle. You all are probably ready for Steve to be home so that you can have a break from me! But, even with all of the help we've experienced, we all know that no one can replace daddy!
And I realize this too... I need a break. More of a mental break than anything. I've tried to hide it and pretend that I'm capable of doing it alone. I never want to have to ask for help. But I guess I need it. Steve told me last night that he was ordering me to hire a babysitter for this weekend so that I could take an evening off. So, tomorrow evening, Sarah is going to watch the boys. I still feel guilty allowing someone else to completely care for them. Like I'm a failure for not being able to do it by myself. But I'm tired. And overwhelmed with all sorts of emotion. You know, Steve is not just a husband or father around here. He's my best friend. And having your husband and your best friend away at the same time is hard!
I'm alright. I'll always be alright. It's just hard to admit emotion like what I'm experiencing. I love my children! And I never want to fall short when it comes to mothering. But I feel like I'm letting them down. And that makes me feel inadequate.
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