Humility

I've been debating whether or not to share what is on my heart. But I decided, in Christian humility, to share in case this is something that others (particularly other mothers) struggle with... So bear with me as I once again become step outside of my comfort zone to become transparent.

I often get so many compliments on how well behaved the children are. And we are pretty strict on them for the most part. But honestly, we are just blessed to have wonderful, thoughtful, well behaved children. And because we are blessed with children like that, it is easy for me to hide behind them, appearing to be the "good" mom.

But I'm flawed. Greatly flawed. And lately I've been so distracted from my priorities that I'm ashamed to admit it. Technology and friendships have taken over and I've allowed myself to make them so important that I let my children feel as if they are little interruptions instead of little blessings. I went from looking for validity in the value of having friends of my own, to making those friends so important that the children have to interrupt me for attention. I'm so sad to say it. And I'm sad that I couldn't just overcome it at first notice.

I've actually had to set limitations for myself. Rediculous! But I've had to eliminate some of the distractions by MAKING myself. Because every morning I would just say "I'm going to stay off of the phone today & the computer too." But the moment the phone would ring or the moment that there was down time where I could jump on the computer, off I went. I fell right into the habit of letting these distractions "suck me in..." How embarassing to admit this.

It was the last straw for me this afternoon at nap time. I had plenty that I should be doing, but instead I hopped on my favorite social networking site (facebook) and got sidetracked. Before I knew it, naptime was more than half over and I hadn't done a thing. Then, Avery brought something to read to me. But I was already busy reading something online. I'm hanging my head in shame as I admit to you... I turned him away and told him to read it to himself and that I would read it with him later. OH... MY... GOODNESS... I have tears thinking about how rude and awful this was. I let my selfish ambition over something of ZERO importance keep me from doing the right thing. I've let satan into my life, and he has disguised himself well.

No, I don't think that facebook is the devil. But the things in our lives that we let control us or keep us from fulfilling our responsibilities as Christian wives and mothers, those are. For now, I'll fill you in on how I'm getting myself back on track:

I've logged off of facebook indefinitely. At least for a week, and after that I'm going to only use it after the kids go to bed at night. That's it. If it invades my life after that, I'm done with it. I'm a grown adult and I shouldn't suffer with this kind of childish problem. I'm embarassed.

I've also committed to screening my phone calls. If I know that it is probably someone just wanting to "chat," I'm only going to do so at times when it doesn't affect my ability to give my children the attention they need. So mostly, I will be available to chat at naptime or after they go to bed. Once again, I'm ashamed that I have to set limitations for myself publicly. I've lost my sense of control lately.

I'll finish by letting you know why I am sharing this. I'm sharing this humbling truth because I know that I'm not the only person out there who lets "distractions" stand in the way of who they want to be. Your "distractions" may not be of the same nature, but you may have some too. Maybe you are lazy and like to make excuses. Maybe the television is your distraction. Maybe your distraction is chatty co-workers. I'll challenge you here... If you have "distractions" of any sort that keep you from being who you want to be, or from being the Christian woman you would like, I challenge you to take measures like me to get away from them. Allow yourself to "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entagles" (Hebrews 12:1) and find yourself thriving instead of surviving. That is my hope.