Turning...

In 11 short days I will reach a milestone that I am trying to embrace... My 30th Birthday. I think that this year I have actually made some firm New Year's resolutions because of this decade that is rapidly approaching.

I'm hoping that my 30's will be a time where I transition out of the stage of life in which I have been living. (I'm fixing to be very transparent here, and it does make me feel vulnerable to post it for everyone to see...)

My 20's was full of some pretty wonderful things and some times of great joy and change. I mean, all four of my blessings were born while I was in my 20's! But I've lived this past decade with pain and afraid to be myself. Up until 20, Iwas a fairly confident, strong individual. For some reason, though, this decade left me feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I am hesitant to say what I feel and afraid of conflict. I have been a coward and a pessimist (not all of the time) and my emotional life has been littered with negative thoughts. I have been embarassed of my looks, sense of style, and unsure of myself in general.

My thirties WILL be different. I am going to embrace the fact that I no longer feel that I "need" to fit in with the twenty-somethings. I don't need to try to be trendy or wrapped up in my own looks. I'm going to speak with confidence what I believe in or feel. I'm going to really experience life for a change and enjoy the ride, as my children transition into young adults. I'm going to rediscover the optimistic and driven woman that I used to be!

I'm not going to make excuses as to why my twenties were such a hard decade for me. (And not ALL of my twenties were hard...) But I am going to share that I think that post-partum depression played a role. To what extent, I'm not sure. And I will be humble, and admit that my attitude has been very bad in some areas of my life. Te biggest part of what will change about me in this decade needs to be my attitude. I've been in prayer and study, constantly talking to God about changing my inner most workings.

Change doesn't come overnight. And setbacks will occur. But, together with God, and you as my witnesses, I WILL change... my attitude, my outlook, my patience, my temper.

Look out 30's I'm about to become my OWN woman, and a Godly one at that!!! The one that I want to be, and one that I can be proud of!