The Battle

Do you ever feel conflicted? Like part of you wants to be in one place and the other part of you wants to be in another? There are so many ways that I feel conflicted. I imagine that these are very similar in other mothers and women in similar life circumstances. I thought I'd share the "battles" that I fight within myself:

* I LOVE staying at home with my children and want to be content within the walls of my own home. But somedays I just WANT to get out. To be on the go. Out in the world with other adults...

* I want to make time for myself. To read, workout, relax, etc. But I as soon as I ask for that time, I immediately feel bad for "pawning" my children off so that I can be selfish for an hour, a morning, or a day. I want time for myself, but would rather put the rest of life on pause so that I can do it. I don't want to miss a minute of my childrens' lives either...

* I want to be vain, taking care of myself and my physical beauty. Then again, I want to live simply. I want to be one who is beautiful "naturally." I don't really have the money or the time to put into trends anyway. It's a struggle. And I struggle back and forth between feeling content in my own skin and being discontent in it. I guess I'm just a woman!

* I want to be the fun mother who has a blast playing with her children, who somehow "has it all together." I want to have unending stores of energy to clean while my children are sleeping so that I can give them all I have during their waking hours. But the reality is that when they are sleeping, I'm exhausted. I don't have what I need to be both the energetic mother and the "all together" housewife.

* I constantly want to be connected during my day. I'm social, it is just a part of me. But, I also sometimes wish to be less social. I want to be the mom who can go all day with the tv off, the phones off, the computer off, etc. But as soon as I try to do that, that urge for me to be connected socially comes rushing back. I struggle to balance being connected and taking time to be "disconnected" too. I sometimes wish I could change that part of myself. To find less of a need to socialize. Can you really change this about yourself?


These are just the few that come to mind today. I'm trying to start finding time to workout again, and these battles are the one that surfaced as I thought about how to rearrange my daily routine to make time for myself. I NEED to be healthy. But taking time for one more "thing" in my day means that some part of my routine gets cut short. If only I could put more hours into my day!!! Or maybe if I could just find that "pause" button. I could take time away without it affecting anything else! How wonderful would that be?