I've always said that I'm not a quitter. And I'd really like to think that I'm not. But this time, I guess I am. I am choosing to no longer watch Brady and Maddie after this week. Well, actually after tomorrow because their mom is working from home the rest of the week. Their prior babysitter has decided to go back into watching children. Matt and Leah offered to me to no longer keep them if I wanted. At first, I wasn't sure that I wanted them to go elsewhere. It was working out ok. But over time, I have thought more and more about it. Silas has had some behavior issues that have only recently begun. And I have found myself to be a bit more "edgy" and irritable than normal. I don't think it relates directly to watching the kids, but with the extra mental energy it adds to my day. I never know exactly when they are coming, I feel overly protective because they aren't my own children, and I for some reason felt like their was a competitive spirit between their me and their mother. She is feeling guilty about having to work and jealous of my at home status. I am feeling like she tries to make me feel inferior because I don't have a successful career outside the home.
Besides when I very first started staying home with my children, I have NEVER found myself being discontent with what I am doing. I have felt almost attacked, and I don't think it is intentional on her part. But suddenly I found myself trying to find contentment in doing what I have been content doing all along. That's just not right! I love being here for my children. I don't want to be anywhere else. And I don't need anyone else to make me question my lot in life. I'm happy here.
So, while I don't like being labeled a quitter, I'm going to be one this time. I'm going to allow the children to go back to their old sitter, where they will be well taken care of and comfortable with going there. And, I am going to allow myself to get back to being content right where I am! I LOVE my job as a wife and mother. And I feel blessed to be able to stay home with my children while they are little.
I am praying for you! I think it sounds like you have made the right decision for you and your little ones. You are such a great mom and your kids are so lucky to have you home with them. I miss seeing you!
ReplyDeleteJen, it's terrible that you have to feel that way and even for a small second question your choice to stay at home. I truly believe that you have made the right choice. Yes, not everyone gets the privilege of being a stay at home mom, but that also doesn't give them the right to judge others that do.
ReplyDelete